Thoughts on grief. Casual, coffee convo, obviously.

Most of us have experienced grief outside of a loved one’s passing, in many other aspects.

We feel grief for what we had… and also for what we thought we would or hoped to have (oh, so, we’re all grieving right now?).
It shows up in different ways, at different times. It’s in relationships, expectations, and versions of ourselves. There are moments in time we can’t get back. Connections that used to exist, but no longer do. Plans that changed or didn’t turn out how we thought they would.

We don’t always recognise these moments as grief. It is. #lore

How do we process what we’ve lost?
What we didn’t get?
What we may never experience?

How do we continue to live if grief is everywhere we look? This feels like a trap.
Do I have to process grief all of the time, because it’s in me all of the time?

It is not only about what we’ve lost – or what we’ll lose next.
It’s also about where we are now.

I’m realising that:

Grief’s like a set of monkey bars.

I picture a small version of myself on some monkey bars.
I can smell the woodchips and hear the squeals of the other kids on the playground.

I start with two hands hanging from the first bar.
I let go with one hand and grab the next bar.
I swing one-handed and grab the next bar.

Constantly letting go to grab the next bar.
Right, left, right, left.

Letting go of a loved one, and then a dream that didn’t come true, then another loved one, then an old identity.
I look up, and all I see are monkey bars for miles; I can’t see the end.

Do I have the strength to finish?
Is there a finish?
What’s beneath the monkey bars?
What if I just let go?

Can I?

The rest of my life is beneath the monkey bars.

The Earth.
My people.
Good food (mostly just chocolate chip cookies, oops).
My interests.

More experiences.
More learning.
More love.

There will always be grief.

Whenever we need to, we can acknowledge it.
Deal with it, face it, address it.

It can make us stronger.
More resilient.
More appreciative of what we have now.

The monkey bars will always be there—
As will we! Phew!

We can return to them when we need to.
Get stronger with every bar.
Gain momentum with the swing of our legs, reaching for the next.

And we can also let go.

Feel the ground beneath our velcro light-up Heely’s (a classic!).
Feel the weather on our skin, and our calloused hands.
Hug the people we love.

And invite them to join us on the monkey bars tomorrow.